TMI (sp?)

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  • Tim Kent

Unleashing my creative skills to "help" others...

A travel rant

Maybe I don't understand how they work? It seems so simple...you take the plastic door hanger that says "Do Not Disturb" off the inside doorknob of the hotel room, and hang it on the outside doorknob so that anyone passing in the hall can see that you, in fact, do not wish to be disturbed. Maybe the maid couldn't read it? It did appear, as she knocked so intently (do they use a ball peen hammer?) on my door at 7:56 am, that English was not her first language. I'm not quite sure about the accent...I did, however, get several opportunities to try and decipher it as she repeated the same word over, and over again..."housekeeping", "housekeeping", "housekeeping".

I'm usually pretty good at accents, but today my skills were not up for the challenge...maybe my lack of sleep was a factor; I didn't finish work and get to bed until after 3am. In all fairness, maybe she didn't know the room was occupied...she did seem rather shocked when I threw back the safety latch and wrenched the door open...then again maybe it was my hastily applied boxer briefs (they may have been on backwards). At least now, thanks to her name tag (Maria) with its hometown indicator (Guadalajara), I can make a better guess of her nationality/language usage. I thanked her for ignoring the door hanger (still in place) and personally making sure that I was up a full hour before I needed to be. Now my only issue was what to do with this "bonus" hour that Maria had made sure I had? I started by stripping the bed, and tying all the sheets in knots...macrame is fun! I then proceeded to use all of the zip ties left over from the previous evening to turn all the feather pillows into a close proximity of balloon animals. That done, I emptied the 3 ring binder of "Welcome to Austin" travel ideas, and created, an Easter egg style hunt sure to entertain. On to the bathroom where I made a lovely tissue paper bouquet for sweet Maria...I wet the towels, all the towels, so that I could twist them into a cactus like landscape (I'm sure Maria must be homesick for Guadalajara, where they speak her language). That gave me an idea...with a little help from google translator, I used all of the lotion, shampoo, and conditioner in the bathroom to finger paint on every glass, mirror, and marble surface: "do not disturb" = "no molestar". I know what you're thinking, "wow, could he be more thoughtful, taking his time to help Maria learn the language?" (They say repetition is the key). With my Good Samaritan duties done for the day, I had time to sit in the hotel lobby and contemplate the recent vindictive streak I seem to be developing. I'm gonna spend a little time on deep reflection...oh, look, the Starbucks has fresh muffins!

Epilogue:

"Yes" I really did this..."No", I'm not particular proud of myself.

In my own defense, I was really, really, tired...I know it's lame, but it's all that I have.

And let's not forget Karma...for the five days that followed, I flinched every time the phone rang or I got an email "ding", just knowing it was the hotel calling with "added charges", or to forbid me from staying on any of their properties for the foreseeable future.

Sigh...

"I will only use my powers for good, I will only use my powers for good, I will only use my powers for good..."


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